It’s Not About You
'IT'S NOT F@$%!ING ABOUT YOU!'
I can still hear my Head of Course at my MA, yelling. All 44 of us kept getting that pounded into our skulls, on a daily basis. Ah - drama school!
She was completely right, of course. When you're on that stage, or in front of that camera, it's not about you. Good actors - good performers...show up for their audience. To gift, to transmit, to teach.
She used to tell us a great actor cuts up pieces of their soul and throws them out into the audience, so that it can feast - genuine, empathetic performance is an act of self-sacrifice.
Now don't freak out: to be a good public speaker, you don't need to go quite that far - unless you want to win an Oscar, or make tons of money from speaking! But you do need to give. You do need to switch on (or cultivate) your empathy, and focus on your audience, because you're there for them.
Credit: Swaraj Tiwari / Unsplash
Focusing on yourself, and how you feel, and what's going on inside your own head - sorry, that will not make you an effective public speaker (/performer). You can give yourself all the affirmations, and all the pep talks, and read all of the books on how to be 'confident' or 'unleash your inner fierceness' or whatever. That will not make you an effective public speaker. That's why so much public speaking 'advice' out there grinds on my nerves - it doesn't help you become better...just to feel better.
The audience can't read your mind anyway - only your tone of voice, your body language, and your choice of words. How you feel is between you and yourself and, even if positive, almost exclusively benefits you.
Look back on anyone who's ever gifted you something valuable with their speech - a celebrity on TV, a teacher, a mentor. How did they do it? They connected with you. They made you feel like they could really see you for who you are, and that you mattered.
Guess what? That's what you'll have to do for your audience. If you're in that spotlight just to feel good about yourself...sorry to tell you, but that doesn't make you a good public speaker. No matter how confident or fierce you feel. Your audience will sense the disconnect, and they will notice if you made it all about you.
So open your ears and your eyes, focus on your audience, and GIVE. Generously. Because it's not about you.
About the author: I'm Nick, a trained actor and public speaking coach. I help business owners break through the fear and obstacles of public speaking and ace their talks and presentations with good old-fashioned technique. If you're struggling to show yourself in the public sphere and want someone to coach you with concrete, actionable advice, get in touch.