The Dark Side of “Storytelling”

This is a question that's come up every once in a while: "I'm doing (some type of 'motivational speaking') - do you help with that?".

The short answer is: NO.

The long answer is: also no - because overall I believe 'motivational speaking' is a load of crap. If you know me personally, you know I really, REALLY dislike the 'self-help' industry. But also because I have prepped people for such speeches, and regretted it deeply because it felt like helping a predator scam their victims. Nothing good came out of it - except for the 'KeYnoTE SpEaKUr' themselves.

Now, do I believe in the power of storytelling? Well...what do you think? That I went to drama school and got myself a Master's in Acting because I don't enjoy a good story - as a viewer or teller? That I was a voracious reader growing up, because I think stories are dumb? I'm not a masochist, guys; I absolutely believe in the power of stories and those who tell them well.

HERE'S THE RUB, though:

"Storytelling" has become a buzzword within the 'success/self-help/personal development' industy. It's come to mean "a more elaborate way to deceive people". Ever come across the sales pitch of some success-peddling, self-appointed 'expert' online? Of course you have. And what's a key component? Bingo - say it with me:

"The rags-to-riches success story".

You know the drill - "I was bald, fat, illiterate and living in my mom's basement, until I decided to mindset my mindset, NeVaH GiVv UpP and Cease (sic) Da Dae!! And now YOU can do it, too! Just pay me $9,997". Yadda, yadda.

There's always some kind of oversharing and trauma-dumping on the poor audience, to create this "I'm just like you!" narrative (operative word: "narrative" - not facts!) and coaxing them into following the guru's footsteps (of InVEsDiNG$$$ In ThUmSeWlVZ) so they can be where the guru (allegedly) is today. And that's where "storytelling" gets dark: where it moves from

"let's make the proof of concept easier to digest than just reading facts off a spreadsheet!"",

to "let's distract from the LACK of proof of concept and just jam their feelings buttons until they buy".

These days, I mostly see it as a device of deception - in the online marketing world, at least.

A common example? The success-peddling "coaches" and other self-appointed "experts" who tell you some success story to get you to buy. The smarter ones often don't straight-up fabricate...but they do give you a very creative, cherry-picked version of their story.

Gather ‘round the fire, kids - story time! / Credit: moi (this happened at drama school)

Story 1

I personally knew someone who kept posting on LinkedIn about how grateful she was for "saying yes to herself" and "deciding to run her own business" a few years ago. 'Cause, see - this allowed her to travel the world and work from her laptop! And didn't you just wanna do the same? Of course you did - and she could teach you how she did it, for $5k!

...Except that was a very creative interpretation of facts. Because I knew this person pretty well behind the scenes, here are some liberties she took when telling her success story:

- "deciding to run her own business"? No, she was unemployable - both professionally and psychologically. She would've gotten kicked right out of any company she'd tried to work in - IF she even got past the hiring process. Not only did she have no people skills and was a socially clumsy, overbearing person ; her CV wouldn't have gotten her hired for anything that paid a decent salary 'cause she'd never had a "proper" job. She'd mostly worked ad-hoc jobs and small-time freelance gigs, bouncing between them when they didn't work out. And now, this person who'd never actually built a successful business, was gonna teach YOU how to build yours!

No shame in working for yourself because traditional employment doesn't work for you, by the way. But it's disingenuous to spin it as "I decided to work for myself" when, in fact, you were just grasping at straws (and most of that grasping didn't lead to anything until you decided to pivot to selling dreams of success).

- "working from anywhere, travelling the world"? No, she was just perpetually broke and drifting around - couch-surfing, house-sitting, trying to find the cheapest countries where her meager earnings could allow her to survive. Again, no shame in doing what you gotta do in order to survive; plenty of shame lying about it to trick people into buying from you.

See? With a bit of "storytelling magic", the chronically broke and struggling couch-surfer/house-sitter who had never built a successful business...became a high-ticket business coach who could teach YOU how to build the life and business of your dreams! And she didn't even have to lie - technically. THAT is the dark power of "storytelling": it can act like a director's lense, controlling the viewer's gaze and deciding what you get to see and what conclusions you can draw. It allows smart people to deceive without technically fabricating anything.

This "coach"? She did travel a lot. She did and could work from anywhere, from her laptop. She was a business coach (since, you know…all you need to become one, is to call yourself one - it's not a protected term). She even had some genuine success stories - clients who did make more money after hiring her. They were outliers and didn't in any way represent most of her clients, so arguably their success was a fluke and not something she should be taking credit for. But they did happen - no lies were told...technically.

Story 2

I don't think I've mentioned details about the people I fell prey to - for the most part, I don't want the drama so my sh-t-talking of them happens in private. But here's a little nugget for you: one of the very first big "investments" I made (£1.2k) in one of those success-peddling "coaches", was a social media "mastermind" that was all the rage back in the late 2010s. The provider of it made big bold claims about all the money she made with her method, and how she could teach YOU the step-by-step process she used to go from ‘broke single parent’ to ‘raking it in’.

I suspected something was up when pretty much everyone I talked to in my cohort (hundreds of people) had struggled to even make the investment back. But here's the real kicker: years later, I found out the inspirational numbers she'd been quoting were gross revenue, NOT profit. Her actual profit? 20% of the whole thing. Turns out, she had to pour so much money into staff, expensive funnels and automations, paid ads, and all that jazz, that what she took home was twenty f-king percent. All the while telling everyone how none of this is needed - all you need to start a business is an internet connection and to, like, believe in yourself and cut the excuses!

See? "Storytelling". Technically, she didn't lie. She did go from broke single parent to decent income, working from home. She did make a lot of money (briefly; I checked her Companies House and it seems after the first two years, earnings dropped significantly) - even if she didn't get to keep most of it. She did say "you don't need a professional-looking website, or paid ads" - she never claimed SHE didn't have or need those things. Technicalities? Absolutely. Effective? YES - on the right people: the struggling and yearning for hope.

"Storytelling" is often used to distract from the inconvenient nitty-gritty and just transmit good vibez and fluffy imagery. Because it allows you to avoid straight-up lying, on technicality.

Story 3

Another "business coach" I briefly fell for, had gone from broke to making six figures (verified, via Companies House) over the couple of years I'd known her. Meanwhile I went from...doing OK, to doing OK. The pandemic didn't help my business, but somehow hers had exploded overnight. Out of curiosity, when she offered a low-cost option, I took it.

It was one of those "FrEEE 5-DAy FaCeBoOk ChALlEngUZ" everyone and their sister's dog's toothbrush was doing back in 2020. She promised hers wasn't gonna be yet another mind-numbing, pointless challenge-for-the-sake-of-running-a-challenge. And she was an engaging writer, so I bit. It cost £100 - so technically it really wasn't another free 5-day challenge!

There were about 100 of us in that group, and we posted our daily 'wins' (money made). As expected, only a handful of people actually made money - the content and 'lessons' were the usual thimble-deep, woo-woo, 'just, like, believe in yourself and decide you're worth it - it’s 99% energy anyway' boilerplate. However! The handful of people who did actually make wins, did in fact total just over £100k made. Technically, at least - they hadn't been paid a collective £100k, but they had signed clients that would eventually pay them that much (even if it was over the next 6-12 months).

So when she went on to promote the next (and twice as expensive) round of this week-long challenge on LinkedIn, she wrote "my coachees made over £100k that week - still thinking about it? They paid an average of £100 and made an average of £800 back, that is no-brainer ROI!". Which...was technically true. There was a per-capita ROI of 8x. She conveniently forgot to mention this was a handful of outliers making a lot of money, and 90%+ people making none. She also conveniently forgot to mention they didn't actually make most of that within the week.

Again: see? Creative "storytelling".

The Defense Against the Dark Arts

All of the above people - and they are but three out of bazillions in that industry - told stories to sell their supbar, overpriced, largely-not-working stuff and make money out of desperate people. They didn't fabricate, they didn't outright lie - but they did avoid the whole "the whole truth, the entire truth, and nothing but the truth" thing. Which is a good place to start. When you tell stories...please use them responsibly. Use them to make the truth easier to digest.

- Yes, an audience probably doesn't want to hear every single random thought that's ever gone through your head. So use summaries and structure to create a coherent story that leads from A to B (B being what's important to your audience - not you).

- Yes, an audience will probably be bored just hearing someone rattle facts off an Excel spreadsheet. So use vivid imagery, use concrete examples, feature some emotions in there as the spoonful of sugar. Use to it support and illustrate your proof of concept - NOT to distract from the lack of it. Please don't be yet another "I have zero proof my theories hold water or that I have those skills I claim to have, but, like - aren't I funny and charming and isn't my disabled dog worth crying over? SO BUY FROM ME!" douche.

And if you're on the receiving end of "storytelling", you might ask: how can I tell whether this is the good (informative, digestif) kind or the bad (misleading, manipulative) kind?

Well, here are two important questions you can ask yourself:

1. what's missing here?

Is the storyteller conveniently glossing over things that warrant a bit of elaboration? For example: I tell you that I'm qualified to train people on their presentation and communication skills because I have a Master's degree in acting from a top UK drama school. That's not something they hand out like party favors - you undergo rigorous training to build an uncommon skill set that performers need. A skill set that allows you to communicate effectively and engage an audience. So you can see a clear and logical connection between A and B here; I don't offer random things that don't seem to make sense considering my background.

That person who's telling you some 'hero's journey/rags-to-riches' story...what actually happened?

"I used to be a broke, bald, fat single mom living with sixteen rats but now I'm a skinny happy millionaire!" is way too vague. Important details missing would be things like:

- what were the actual steps between those two extremes?

- what is that person currently making the bulk of their money from? Are they actually running a business, or just...coaching coaches on how to coach other coaches on how to run THEIR business?

- is their only successful business a success-selling one? Wouldn't that mean that they just managed to fake it 'till they made it - since their first however-many clients would have been sold success the seller didn't even have yet?

2. what's unnecessary here?

Back to the "I used to be a broke, bald, fat single mom living with sixteen rats but now I'm a skinny happy millionaire!" sob story so many success-peddlers will tell you. Why is the first part needed? Why do you, the audience, need to know their traumatic background in detail?

Surely they either have a proven process to achieve X, or they don't - right? So what's with the trauma-dumping and oversharing? Why would you need to know about their PTSD, or abusive marriage, or IBS, or disabled dog/cat/llama/basilisk, or traumatic pregnancy their kid almost didn't survive? Why is this information needed? Exactly: it isn't. A good deal is a good deal - no sob stories and inspiration porn necessary.

This is what’s called a 'red herring': a random piece of information meant to distract from the real issue - the issue being: do they actually have proof of concept? And what qualifies them to offer what they offer, other than 'believing in themselves' or whatever?

It’s a ‘No’ From Me, Dawg

This is why I don't work with professional or motivational speakers anymore. I saw too much of THAT kind of "storytelling" happening - "here's an emotional-button-pushing story; now stop asking valid questions and buy my stuff". And I don't want to be any part of it. These days I only train genuine service providers (not "coaches"), or corporate professionals: train-the-trainer, interview prep, press conference prep, 'rehearse your stakeholder presentation' stuff. I don't help people sell dreams of selling dreams.

And whenever I'm this blunt about it, there's a good chance I'll get blowback - usually from some coach-shaped person. It's fine; I've peeped behind the curtain enough to know I'm making the right choice. "Storytelling" has taken a dark turn in the business world - especially in the 'success' industry. And while we're never going to stop loving stories (we're wired for it, after all), it really pays to be able to tell when you're being helped and when you're being manipulated. So consume your stories, but do it with your critical thinking cap on.